Every five years Jill and I try to do a big anniversary trip. For our tenth anniversary we went hiking in Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming – our favorite trip to date. Breathtaking mountains and wildlife in every direction! The animal we encountered most was the fox. The fox has a history of being deceiving in literature; they're the bad guy in virtually every story they make an appearance in, but in reality, they just look super cute.

One day while eating lunch at some picnic tables we watched as a little fox pranced around, hoping for someone to drop food. When I went inside a little shop I overheard a park ranger talking about that fox: “Yeah, it’s really not good when they get comfortable around humans. People think they're friendly, but he'll bite you and if he bites we have to put him down. So, if he gets close to you, yell at him, scare him, KICK HIM if you have to – he needs to stay away from humans.”

KICK HIM?! Good grief, is it that serious? I came back and told Jill what he said as we continued to watch him. Suddenly a family of prairie dogs popped up out of the ground a few feet away from us. As soon as the fox saw them, he pounced, clutching one in his jaws as it screamed for its life. We watched in horror as the fox turned it's head up and gobbled the little ground-dweller down in seconds!

As he trotted off, fat and happy, I don’t know who was more traumatized: what was left of the family of prairie dogs or Jill and I as we sat in utter shock. He wasn’t cute, he was a KILLER!

THE WORD

Song of Solomon 2:15

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

A couple of weeks ago we concluded a series at our church called THE GREATEST LOVE SONG. We all love a good love song don't we? None of us are too spiritual not to recognize Boyz II Men, Luther, or Whitney when we hear them. Songs often accompany life's most significant moments, which is why, on your wedding day, you picked a song for your ceremony. Perhaps it was a song with lyrics that perfectly summed up your feelings or maybe it was a sweet and simple melody that you hoped would remind you of one another for the rest of your lives together. Everyone loves a good love song. Which is why your Bible has one. And it's considered the song of ALL songs; Solomon's greatest hit!

Despite having been in church since nine months before I was born, I can't recall EVER hearing a sermon on the Song of Solomon. Perhaps that's because I lacked the discipline to pay attention for long, but more than likely it's because it just was never preached. It is a pretty awkward book after all. Not only is it rife with allusions to body parts and intimate affection, it's also extremely hard to follow; it IS a song after all. Lots of songs lack structure. Need I remind you of the Beatles hit, "I Am The Walrus?" Just marvel at the depth of these lyrics: "I am the egg man. They are the egg men. I am the walrus. Goo goo g'joob. Sitting in an English garden. Waiting for the sun." Gripping, innit?

Regardless of what you may believe it's express purpose to be, this book is in our Bibles. That means it is God -breathed, inspired, and useful to equip us for every good work. We need this book the same way we need the other 65. And surprisingly it does have one thing in common with "I Am the Walrus." It mentions a garden.

MARRIAGE = A GARDEN

Throughout the 8 chapters Solomon makes mention of gardens and vineyards pretty consistently, including in chapter two when he refers to catching the "little foxes that spoil" them. One of the most profound allegories of the Bible is of the marriage as a garden. Solomon refers to their marriage bed as a garden bed, bearing the fruit of hard work (Song of Sol. 1:16).

The garden holds a lot of significance throughout the Bible. Three major things happen in the garden setting:

• Mankind fell into sin. (Genesis 3)

• Jesus prayed, "not my will, but yours be done." (Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22)

• In eternity we're all gather to the Tree of Life again. (Revelation 22)

The garden is a place of FAILURE, SURRENDER, and REDEMPTION. Every marriage is in one of those stages as well.

Your marriage is a garden and the biggest threats to your marriage are littlest foxes. They may appear harmless but they are in fact killers, and if you want your marriage to be fruitful, you’ve got to KICK. THEM. OUT.

3 FOXES THAT WILL KILL YOUR MARRIAGE

1. FOX #1 NEGLECT

From the very beginning God entrusted man with the garden. In Genesis 2 it says He placed man in the garden to work and take care of it. The word 'garden' isn't just a noun, it's also a verb. You can have A garden but if you don’t garden it, it won’t be fruitful.

Every spring Jill and PK plant a little garden in our backyard. It’s not exactly fattening us up, and it looks a bit like the buffet at Golden Corral. There are cucumbers, squash, sunflowers, tomatoes, carnations. It's a roll of the dice as to what actually grows year to year. Some years we get a bunch o fsomething and other years we're left with a lot of nothing.

The difference in harvest is in how much time and effort we give it. It’s true there are forces of nature that make it difficult. Some years it’s hot and dry, but that just means we have to be more intentional to water it. Other years we deal with caterpillars and rabbits snacking on it, but that just means we have to be more intentional to protect it.

Your garden is only as exposed to the elements and the forces of nature as you allow it to be. Outside forces WILL come against your marriage but you are responsible to guard against them. I think that’s why the word garden sounds so similar to the word guardian.

The greatest danger to your marriage is not an outside force doing SOMETHING, it’s you doing NOTHING.

1 Corinthians 13 is widely known as the "wedding chapter" as it is often read at ceremonies because of its particular poetic cadence in defining love. But 'love' isn’t just a noun either – it’s also a verb. This chapter describes not simply what love is, but what love does, as well as what it refuses to do.

1 Corinthians 13 is less of a love poem and more of a job description. When you say the words, "I LOVE YOU" what you're really saying is:

- I am patient with you

- I am kind to you

- I refuse to be envious of you

- I refuse to be prideful towards you

- I refuse to dishonor you

- I refuse to seek to serve myself over you

- I refuse to get easily angered with you

- I refuse to keep a record of your wrongs

- I refuse to rejoice in evil

- I protect you

- I trust you

- I have hope about my future with you

- I persevere with you

What a very practical list for us to follow! Neglect is the greatest threat to your marriage.

2. FOX #2 MISCOMMUNICATION

Your marriage rises and falls on your ability to communicate with one another. I heard a story about a man who heard an owl in his backyard one night. Over the next few weeks he became obsessed with researching owl facts and learning their calls. Several nights a week he would go out in the backyard to try and communicate with this owl.

Around that time his wife happened to meet one of their neighbors, a woman who shared that her husband was ALSO communicating with an owl several nights a week. Turns out these two guys were just hooting at each other from their backyards!

Love is a language we all must learn how to speak. It can be quite the puzzle figuring out how to communicate with someone who doesn't communicate like you.

Around 25 years ago Gary Chapman wrote the best-selling book Five Love Languages identifying five ways people are most naturally wired to give and receive love. If you've never read it, I'll explain it to you in two paragraphs, so you don't have to. You're welcome.

The Five Love Languages are:

1. ACTS OF SERVICE – Some people feel most loved when they are simply being served.

2. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION – Some feel loved by being encouraged and built up with words.

3. QUALITY TIME – Some feel loved by spending time together.

4. GIFTS – Some feel loved when receiving gifts or gestures, both small and big

5. PHYSICAL TOUCH – Some feel loved when being physically close and connected.

Your love language likely differs from your spouse. The main way I receive love is acts of service. If you check something off my to do list, I feel very loved! But Jill’s main love language is words of affirmation. There have been seasons where Jill tells me, "I just don’t feel close to you. I don’t feel like you love me." And I’m shocked! Because I just did all the dishes and the laundry; I did ALL the things! But here's the problem: doing the things is MY love language, SAYING the things is hers.

It does Jill no good for me to love her the way I want to be loved. I must learn to love her the way she receives love,. Remember, love is not self-seeking. When you refuse to love your spouse the way they receive love what you're really saying is, "I love ME, and you should be more like me."

The gospel we carry is the story of how God became like one of us in order to save us. The way we live out the gospel in our marriages is learning to become more like one another in the way that we give love. We love because He first loved us.

3. FOX #3 UNFORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a core value of our church. We say "DON’T BUILD A FENCE" because offense in our hearts results in fences around our heart.

Kids love building forts. My kids build forts in every room of the house out of every kind of material: pillows, blankets, boxes – I’m waiting for them to start cutting dry wall and build a full-on house within our house! A while back after they built a fort I noticed a sign posted outside of it saying, "NO ADOLTS. KEP OUT." (I don't remember the exact spelling, but it was similar to the Chick-fil-a cows).

Interesting how we all have this innate desire to build walls and declare who isn't allowed access. That doesn’t go away after childhood – we do the same thing as adults.

When offense settles in our hearts, we naturally begin to construct a fence around it to make sure no one will ever hurt us again. Then we put up the sign: NO _______ ALLOWED. It gives new insight as to why the King James Version often translates the word "sin" as TRESPASS.

Unforgiveness is an odd word. It’s a noun, yet it describes the absence of a thing. We don't have words like that for anything else. If your car breaks down you don’t say, "I have uncar" nor do you ever see a person on the corner holding up a sign saying, "I have unmoney." So why do we call it unforgiveness? Because it’s not just the absence of forgiveness. It’s the presence of bitterness.

Hebrews 12 calls bitterness a root that "springs up and defiles many." The thing about roots is they grow unseen. Bitterness is a root in your heart that you must dig up before it grows into every aspect of your life and destroys your marriage.

CONCLUSION

Years ago I saw a video of a couple in their 80s, dancing together madly in love after many years. One of the top comments under the video read, "I wonder how many times they had to forgive one another to have a marriage like this."

A godly marriage isn’t absent of hurts, wounds, and scars, it's just full of God’s grace. A godly marriage is the result of perfecting the discipline and art of forgiveness.

Take a long, hard look at your garden. What foxes have you allowed to run wild? It's time to be a guardian again! Get to kickin'!